3 Reasons to Vote Iron Man in Civil War

The upcoming release of Captain America: Civil War has got me thinking: what is Spider-Man's costume going to look like? But also, more importantly, it has allowed me to dive into a comic book-y hypothetical scenario where I try to imagine how fantastical elements of comic books would play out in our world and how we'd react to them. It's a way better time than it sounds.

And so, the premise of the film got me thinking, if the Superhuman Registration Act was something we as the people had to decide whether to put through or put down, what should we vote for?

My personal opinions aside, I can totally use this as an excuse to write multiple articles tying into the film, thus slapping a superhero banner onto my work in a shameless attempt to get more people to read this blog.

To that end, today we'll be looking at three reasons to vote for Iron Man's side of the Civil War conflict. At some point in the future, I'll do a mirror article arguing for Cap's side of the issue. So, without further ado, let's dive in!

1. It'll keep people safe.

Let's talk about one of the big reasons for putting Registration on the table to begin with: keeping people safe. It's time to face facts. Superhumans are dangerous. The first time Thor ever showed up, his sibling rivalry pretty much leveled a small town. Iron Man has made literally all of his own villains. Hulk. I'm not even going to elaborate with that one. Just... Hulk. Superhumans can't just operate with impunity, doing whatever they want and answering to no one. 

Without anyone to answer to, superheroes have caused some major, major problems. Problems that got innocent people traumatized, maimed, and killed. Granted, Ultron apologized for lopping that guy's arm off, but I doubt "sorry" works the same way stem cells do.

So how do we make superheroes safer? By giving them oversight, and someone to answer to. So the next time Thor wants to start something, there can be a better solution than "make him New Mexico's problem." Looking at you, Odin. Or hey, the next time Tony and Bruce disappear into a lab for two days, someone from IA can pop in to say, "Hey, you guys aren't trying to make an artificial intelligence, are you?"

It's not just about keeping the general public safe either. It's about all the Aunt May's and Jane Fosters of the world too.

In The Avengers, when things start to hit the fan, SHIELD has Thor's girlfriend moved to a nice, comfortable job somewhere far away from any potential danger. That's the kind of protection everyone close to a superhero needs.

Imagine The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (sorry for making you do that, just bear with me), but this time Peter Parker is a registered superhuman government agent. The second Electro starts talking about how much he hates Spider-Man, Gwen and Aunt May are both getting a call from SHIELD, or the CIA, or the NYPD, or whoever Spider-Man works for, along the lines of, "Hey, there's a super villain with a vendetta against your boyfriend/nephew. We're moving you somewhere safe while we sort this out."

Boom. Gwen lives, Electro beaten, Green Goblin beaten, Spidey goes on to Spidey another day without having to take two months to angst all over the cemetery.

On top of that, it could cut down on the number of supervillains in the world. Plenty of supervillains are motivated by money. They need the dollar dollar bills, either for their sick relative, their sick selves, or just because they like to buy stuff. Rather than them turning to a life of crime, why not register them as government operatives, have them use their powers for good, give them a salary (it's a government salary, so it's not great, but it's something), and give them benefits (which are great with government jobs) like insurance for that sick relative.

Sandman, on the run, stumbles into the Make a Sandman Project (seriously, were those scientist trying to make a supervillain? Because that's the only possible explanation I have for that experiment.) and gets mutated into a Sandman. Realizing he now has super powers, and knowing that The Superhuman Registration Act provides amnesty for criminals, he signs up, gets his past forgiven, and gets the money to take care of his daughter. Boom, no Sandman, no cops punched by a giant sand fist, nobody backs up Venom in the final fight. Spider-Man can probably take him. Problem solved, day saved.

2. It could help the economy.

It's a fairly well agreed upon point that a good way to help an economy is to boost the number of jobs there are. Should you disagree, that an entirely different article on an entirely different blog. Today, I'm just running on my six months of macroeconomic education and say that jobs are healthy for the economy.

Right off the bat, Superhuman Registration creates a job for every superhero and supervillain looking to reform, which is pretty great. Peter Parker can get an actual job instead of unstable work as a freelancer for a dying media. Ant-Man never needs to break into a place and steal stuff again.Unless, you know, his job that day is to break into a place and steal stuff. Yeah, Steve Rogers won't be able to afford a place in Brooklyn, but who can these days?

So everyone with superpowers has a job. That's great. But jobs don't stop there. You can set up an entire infrastructure around the Superhuman Registration Act. Just out of the gate we've got all sorts of temporary construction jobs to construct or renovate facilities for Registered Superhumans to operate out of. But then there's all sorts of new, permanent jobs dedicated to help make sure the new operation runs smoothly. Clerical work. IT guys. Volunteers. Psychiatric staff. Internships. Security details. HR departments. The whole shebang!

And think about this: every super villain who registers and goes to work for the government is more than just one more working citizen stimulating the economy by spending their salary. Every register villain is also one less person taking up millions of taxpayer dollars serving life in super maximum security prison.

It's like printing our own registered superhuman money!

3. It shows we still believe in America.

You know, it says something about the way things are if we would rather have our protectors be bands of super powered renegades acting with unregulated impunity than people who's job with the government is to keep us safe.

Think about it. If we cave in to Captain America's misguided freedom talk, what we're really saying is we want to people who protect us to be free to act however they see fit, outside the system because the system is broken. If we go down that road, if we give up hope in that system, we give up hope in America.

Afterall, once we lose faith in the system, what reason do we have to follow it's rules? What reason is there to be beholden to it? If we give up the laws, regulation, and oversight that give us order, we give up everything.

Well, we're not ready to stop believing in America, Cap. We still believe that these great United States and the people who work under its employ can keep us safe from threats foreign and domestic. It's not a perfect world, but it's the one we've got, and I'd rather work to make what we have work than give up on our dream.

Register your Superhuman powers, and God Bless America!

Lazy Sunday Post: My Hero(es)

Before anyone guesses, no, this is not about the show Heroes, or the fact that it's apparently coming back. I never saw that, and word on the street is that's a bullet dodged on my part. And while we're on the subject of dodging bullets, let's talk about people who can never die, because, hey, I choose to go by an alias which directly invokes a mythological immortal fire bird, so that's probably in my wheelhouse, right?

Last post, I mentioned that Jon Stewart was my hero, and probably the most single most inspirational man I have ever seen on television. And in the general race, he's pretty dang high too. Not in the pot way, but in the... you know what I mean!

Anyway, I just thought I'd include a list of all of my heroes both real world and fictional and a brief explanation of why they're on the list.

Jon Stewart- In a world of shoddy news media, government corruption, and whatever the hell Fox News is, he was like a colonist from Planet Sensible who absolutely refused to stop reminding the residents of Bullshit Mountain what the mountain they chose to live on was named. Four nights a week for 16 years. Love this guy.

The Doctor- My journey with Doctor who is a bit of a wibbly-wobbly, timey wimey one, so I'll spare you the details of why he's my hero and instead sum it up with the sentiment expressed by Stephen Moffat. He doesn't have laser vision or super strength. He has an extra heart. He doesn't have a tank or a sports car or some kind of jet. He has a box that was designed to let people call for help.

Batman- Oh, Batman. Where to start with Batman. I suppose for starters, I could say the sheer badassery of a mortal man protecting his home from evil, and standing side by side with virtual gods among men is just chill inducing. I could say I sympathize and even empathize with a desire to protect not because you know you're wanted but because you know you're needed. Wherever I started, I would end by gathering all the Batman-haters of the world and displaying to them my officially unofficial Bat-Finger.

Captain America- I once made the distinction to someone that I am Batman but I wish I was the Doctor. Captain America is an entirely different beast. If I could somehow pick the person my children would choose as their role model, I would pick Captain America, hands down.

Mr. P- For the sake of his privacy I won't divulge his full name, but my high school economics/government/psychology teacher/track and cross country coach was one of the most motivational and inspirational figures in my life. He is exactly the kind of teacher I would want to become, and I can't thank him enough for everything he's done in my life. Cheers to you, P.

Mom- Oh shut up. I feel like I shouldn't even have to explain this one, I feel like the name says it all. And quite frankly, it does. She is undoubtedly one of my heroes and if you heard her story she would be one of yours too. And actually, I'm going to close with that. Cheers, everybody.