Crackpot Theory: Sharknado Explained

For those of you who don't know, Sharknado and its sequel, Sharknado 2: The Second One are two of the absolutely dumbest, most horrendously written and shot movies ever, of all time. It takes the "so bad it's good" trope to extremes never before conceived by human imagination. I couldn't stop smiling while watching either of them, even when the sequel was just a tad in love with itself.

Full disclosure, at time of writing, I actually haven't watched the sequel in its entirety. It was late at night when we started watching it, I had somewhere to be in the morning, and I wasn't about to be late because I stayed up watching literally the dumbest thing to be called entertainment since that brick in Phineas and Ferb.

But from what I did see, the movie seemed to be hinting that these sharks that were falling through the sky were in fact intelligent, actually seeming to recognize particular humans as targets and perhaps even bent on revenge. This idea was so much more stupid than the existing stupid premise that I had to concoct a justification for it or less lobotomize myself with the TV remote.

And in doing so, I struck brilliance. For you see, in the last days of World War Two, what few Nazis remained used their last bits of science to escape capture by transposing their consciousnesses into the bodies of sharks. Then they spent years breeding new, equally intelligent Nazi Sharks, all the while plotting their revenge against the allies.

This plan would eventually manifest itself as the Nazi Sharks built Nazi Shark machines that could control the weather. It was this, and not the previously theorized global warming, that caused the freak weather patterns necessary for the sharknado storms to form. And so, the Nazi Sharks used their Nazi Shark machines to create freak weather patterns that they could ride inland in order to attack United States coastal cities!

Think about it. It all makes sense now doesn't it? What everyone thought was just a really stupid disaster movie was in fact...and equally stupid Nazi conspiracy movie!

It's a theory, anyway. Cheers.

Phoenix Creation Journal #1

For those of you who don't know, Project Phoenix Agent 003 is my primary alias on the internet. I first used the name on my fanfiction profile, carried it over to fictionpress, and even adopted a shorthand version, PhoenixAgent003, for use in online gaming.

The story behind the name is a bit of a long one, but it's one I may as well tell here and now just to get it out of the way. 

In sixth grade, my young mind concocted a science fiction story that I very originally titled Project Phoenix. At the time, my only justification for the name was that it sounded cool. It took heavy inspiration from things I was into at the time, namely Call of Duty, Star Wars, and Aaron Stone. Partly to create an inside joke and partly because it was easier, I based the three main characters off of my best friend, my crush, and myself.

The character I based off myself was Erin Mikes (later changed to Eric because I found out Erin was a girl's name), Agent 003 of the planetary crimefighting organization Project Phoenix. I poured quite a lot of creative energy into the world, planning out the storylines of no less than six books with a list of ideas for about thirty additional, shorter stories on standby. I thought up five hundred years of human history (although it was mostly filled with wars thanks to my still looming obsession with shooters), created dozens of sci-fi weapons, and invented a breed of indestructible, metallic space zombies.

Looking back on it, it was all kind of terrible, filled with flat, boring characters and far too serious a tone for the ludicrious action proposed by it. To say nothing of my appalling attempts to make more mature stories and characters while I myself was still the furthest one could be from maturity unless you count infants. But I give it points for being the one of the only original stories I ever finished that was longer than six pages.

I held off on sending out the thing for publishing after realizing just how terrible it was, but I was a bit too invested in the idea to completely abandon it, so instead, I started tweaking it. My first tweaks made things more militaristic and political (or as political as seventh grade writing could get), but soon after everything started fluxing as I started mashing up ideas, changing settings, ditching characters and creating new ones.

The only real constants through the ever evolving project were the three original main characters. There was Eric, aka Agent 003, who was my initial stand-in; Chloe aka Agent 002, who I modeled after my first girlfriend; and Ray, the analog to one of my best childhood friends. And even those three characters changed, evolving beyond their original inspirations and becoming people all their own. I still identified Eric as being loosely based off of me, but in his current incarnation he and I aren't really that alike (though we'd probably get along).

Even with all of this, I was determined to make a story about these three. And so, I took up Eric's code designation as my online alias as a permanent link, and have been running with it (and the story) ever since.

In future journal entries, I'll talk a lot more about what I'm doing with the current version of Project Phoenix  (or, Forged in Fire, as its current working title reads), the characters, the setting, and what not. But I felt like I needed to start by talking about its roots. So, there you go.

Until next time, this is Agent 003, signing off.