Crackpot Theory: Sharknado Explained

For those of you who don't know, Sharknado and its sequel, Sharknado 2: The Second One are two of the absolutely dumbest, most horrendously written and shot movies ever, of all time. It takes the "so bad it's good" trope to extremes never before conceived by human imagination. I couldn't stop smiling while watching either of them, even when the sequel was just a tad in love with itself.

Full disclosure, at time of writing, I actually haven't watched the sequel in its entirety. It was late at night when we started watching it, I had somewhere to be in the morning, and I wasn't about to be late because I stayed up watching literally the dumbest thing to be called entertainment since that brick in Phineas and Ferb.

But from what I did see, the movie seemed to be hinting that these sharks that were falling through the sky were in fact intelligent, actually seeming to recognize particular humans as targets and perhaps even bent on revenge. This idea was so much more stupid than the existing stupid premise that I had to concoct a justification for it or less lobotomize myself with the TV remote.

And in doing so, I struck brilliance. For you see, in the last days of World War Two, what few Nazis remained used their last bits of science to escape capture by transposing their consciousnesses into the bodies of sharks. Then they spent years breeding new, equally intelligent Nazi Sharks, all the while plotting their revenge against the allies.

This plan would eventually manifest itself as the Nazi Sharks built Nazi Shark machines that could control the weather. It was this, and not the previously theorized global warming, that caused the freak weather patterns necessary for the sharknado storms to form. And so, the Nazi Sharks used their Nazi Shark machines to create freak weather patterns that they could ride inland in order to attack United States coastal cities!

Think about it. It all makes sense now doesn't it? What everyone thought was just a really stupid disaster movie was in fact...and equally stupid Nazi conspiracy movie!

It's a theory, anyway. Cheers.